Dissociation was a good thing as a child for me. Now as an adult I do not need this coping skill anymore, but I still have it. I catch myself doing this for no reason sometimes. Sometimes I do it when I am triggered by something that reminds me of the abuse I went through. This is one of the coping skills I could live without, but it seems to be something I am stuck with. I also catch myself dissociating when my therapist is talking to  me. 


  Life is strange. I guess I am different as well. I really am not angry at the people who abused me. I am more upset about the affects the abuse I had on me. Sometimes I feel as if I wasn't strong enough. I feel as though maybe I did something that attracted these people to me. I know this is not really the situation, but it is the way I feel. I can not help my feelings. I can only try to change my mindset so that maybe someday I will feel differently about it all.


  I wish someone had a magic wand and could just erase my childhood and make everything perfect. I know wishful thinking will eventually be my downfall.