Well I went to bed about nine this morning and I slept till around noon.  I got like four phone calls during that time. Two of them had to do with therapy. Yes The secretary and myself had a misunderstanding and I went to therapy at a quarter till four today. I discussed feeling suicidal with her. She pretty much said if I was to do something like that I would screw my children up for life.  I don't want that, but I do want my life over. I am beginning to feel hopeless and worthless. I know this is probably hard to understand if you have never been through the things I have gone through. I really can not describe the feelings I have about just trying to put  a smile on and make it through the day.  I can not describe the dread I feel when night falls. I wasn't just abused at night. I guess that is just when it is quiet and the kids are asleep and I'm afraid to sleep. The only time I really feel safe enough to sleep is between dawn and around noon. The rest of the time is pretty much out of the question and I really do not understand it.