It has been a very long day


  Well I have suffered through another day without giving in and taking anxiety medicine. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. It is getting very hard and I am starting to remember why I was taking the anxiety medicine. I really didn't forget. I guess I have blocked how bad the anxiety really was since I have been on the medicine. Now that I am coming off of it I am now wondering if this is the best decision for me. I have left home but it is taking all I have to force myself out the door. I know the medicine is not completely out of my system. So I am kind of scared to see how I am going to be off of it totally. Maybe I should take it. I don't know I am just really confused. I do not want to be dependent on medicine for the rest of my life. I want a life that I can be proud of. What I have now is not something I want. I don't want to think to myself well you had a good day, but it was only because you took your medicine. I hate being like this. I hate my life. I want to die.