Well What a worthless day it has been.  I am withdrawing from my Ativan. Personal choice I am choosing not to take it anymore. My therapists secretary called and said that my therapist wouldn't be seeing me till my insurance is back on. Well guess what I am at the point that I am ready to give up any way so this is just perfect timing for everything to fall apart. Why is that when you feel like things can't get any worse everything goes wrong at once.


  My head is killing me I am nauseous, my anxiety is way to high, I feel shaky. I am running a fever. My friend says it is probably because I am dehydrated from being sick to my stomach. She keeps trying to get me to take my medicine. I see no point in it though. She is a nurse so I figure I will be okay. She also keeps telling me that I might actually start to feel worse as far as withdrawing off my meds go. I really do not think that is humanly possible at this point. I am at least trying to keep Gatorade a nd water down right now.


  I have graduated from sleep walking to driving in my sleep. I only know this because my friend stayed the night with me and informed me this morning that My vehicle and myself were gone for over an hour. She doesn't know how long I was gone before she woke up.  She says I sleep walk worse when my family starts messing with me. Hum wonder how long this will last. I can make a guess. My guess would be till I feel safe again.


  I was trying to make a real effort up until tonight to my own bed and force myself to relax enough to go to sleep. I guess that would not be a real good idea right now. I should prob stay awake all night and wait after I take the kids to school in the morning to go to sleep. That way my friend can make sure I stay home if I  sleep walk. She is staying the night again tonight just in case I fall asleep she has taken my keys from me. Well at least this way I am not a danger to myself and others by driving in my sleep. I will just be a danger to myself if I sleep walk. I would really like to know where I go when I do sleep walk. I have asked my friends if they have seen me before on these nights that I sleep walk and they all say no. I have gone out before and came home in totally different clothes that didn't even belong to me. I figured at some point someone would eventually ask for their clothes back, but not ass of yet and it has been almost a year since that happened. 


  So my goal for now is to get past the withdraws stay hydrated and not fall asleep tonight. Wish me lots of luck I have a feeling I am going to need it.